I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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