we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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