my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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