i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize