Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
