She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I AM VODKA MAN
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
