Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
