Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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