He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
