hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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