just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So many bounce houses so little time
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
