so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
