I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
