I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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