sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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