I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
