It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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