4 words: hood of his car
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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