My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
