So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
