I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
