where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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