Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
