this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
