Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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