Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
