No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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