The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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