Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
