i don't plan on having that self control this summer
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
