and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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