forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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