Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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