Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
