The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
