it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize