he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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