My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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