i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
