When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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