one two three fourrrrnication!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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