Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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