and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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