So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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