and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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