I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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