Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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