we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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