I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
