good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
