Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize