I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
