wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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