Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
