The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
