its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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