not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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