okay pat passed out under dana's car
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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