Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
