he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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