My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
