That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
