I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
