Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
