he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
