My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
