you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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