did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
