the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
