rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The air taste purple.
Randomize
