You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
