Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
