can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
