she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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