If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
