Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
