What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
