i think my mom watched the whole time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
